Page 67 - Dark Matter Issue5 Part II

That night I lay in bed, energized and restless with newly born sensations and feelings. It

didn’t matter that my mother was gone another night. In my mind, Dale sat on the edge

of the bed and tenderly tucked me in. I thought of the story of Sleeping Beauty and

suddenly understood how a kiss by someone who loved you could wake you up.

Looking out the window at the rising full moon, I noticed for the first time how beautiful it

was. I felt connected to it, feeling that it hung in the sky that night just for me. A tree

brushed the side of the house, and I felt its life force. I repeatedly touched my cheek

where Dale had kissed me, replaying every word, gesture, and look that had passed

between us. As the moon wrapped me in its mantle of light, I fell into my first peaceful

sleep, snug in the embrace of love.

My days had been defined by thousands of ways a child can hurt. Now, I was defined

by the memories of softness and the contours of warmth. Where I had previously felt

disconnected and unmoored from everyone and everything, I now felt connected to

everything and everyone, to the earth itself.

Dale’s act of kindness saved my life and changed its course. I worked hard now to be

kind, carrying groceries home for people who needed help. I went to church. I loved to sit

in the stairway of the choir loft on Saturday afternoons and listen to the music, which

transported me to a place of love and connection just like my time with Dale. I brought

home flowers and small trinkets for my mother, who was either angry or didn’t notice. I

ignored her response, driven in my mission to be the love I had so generously received.

Like a mantra, I repeated Dale’s message to take better care of myself because my

mother was too sick to care for me. I started to feel sad for my mother. I noticed how

tired and confused she often was. An average day for her consisted of 5-10 men, 4-6

six-packs, shots of whiskey when it was available, some unrecognizable pills 2-3 times a

day, a Lucky Strike or Camel continuously burning in an ashtray, and some feel-good

music from the radio on the days men came to the house. I began to feel the smallness

of her life as mine began to expand. A third grade substitute teacher helped me gain the

confidence to learn to read. I discovered I could take out unlimited books from the library

and I did. I also reached out to others who were kind and to neighborhood cats and

dogs. They, along with Dale, the trees, the moon and flowers, became my family.